The Magnet Method

What it helps with: Transitioning from wishing for a different life to actively "engineering" it. It identifies exactly why you aren't currently attracting the people or opportunities you want, and gives you a practical roadmap to change your "magnetic field."

When to use it: When you feel disconnected from your community, when you are pivoting your career, or when you feel like you keep attracting the "wrong" types of clients or situations.

How to do it:

1. Define the "Luck": Be specific. What is the specific type of person, opportunity, or scenario you want to attract?
2. The Magnet Audit: Create a table with three columns:
   • Column A: Required Beliefs. What does someone who already has this luck believe about the world?
   • Column B: Aligned Behaviors. How does that belief show up in action?
   • Column C: Repellents. What current beliefs or behaviors do I have that contradict this?
3. Bridge the Gap: Look at the gap between Column B (New Behavior) and Column C (Current Repellent). Ask: What is one small action that would make it easier to practice the new behavior, even if I don't fully believe it yet? (Treat it like putting on a coat).
4. Collect Evidence (Memory Reconsolidation): This is the most important step. As you take the small action, stay present. Notice the physical tension in your body—this is your old belief activating. Once the action is done, verify the outcome: Did the scary thing happen? If not, you must consciously "collect" this evidence of safety to destabilize the old belief.

Example 1: The Craving for Depth

• The Goal: "I want to attract friends who have deep, intellectual conversations, but I’m terrified of sharing my own thoughts."
• The Audit:
  • Required Belief: "My inner world is interesting, and vulnerability is a signal for safety, not danger."
  • Aligned Behavior: Sharing unpolished thoughts, asking deeper questions, risking being 'too much.'
  • Current Repellent: My belief that "I must be perfect to be loved" causes the behavior of engaging in safe small talk and waiting for others to lead.
• The Bridge:
  • I don't need to bare my soul to everyone today.
  • Action: I will practice "wearing the magnet" by posting one sincere, slightly vulnerable thought on social media this week.
• The Evidence:
  • I feel my chest tighten as I hit 'post.' I wait. I notice that no one attacked me. A friend commented, "Me too." I pause and let my body register this new data: I was vulnerable, and I am safe.

Example 2: The Craving for Creativity

• The Goal: "I want to meet creative people and do fun things, but I’m stuck in a rut and resist trying new things."
• The Audit:
  • Required Belief: "It is okay to be a beginner. Play is productive."
  • Aligned Behavior: Going to workshops alone, trying new hobbies badly, saying 'yes' to invites even when tired.
  • Current Repellent: My belief that "I’m not a 'creative type'" causes the behavior of staying home and rejecting invitations because I’m afraid of looking foolish.
• The Bridge:
  • I don't need to be good at art. I just need to be in the room where art is happening.
  • Action: Go to a "bad art" night or a beginner's workshop in a part of town where no one knows me.
• The Evidence:
  • I feel the urge to cancel right before I leave. I go anyway. I notice that my drawing is terrible, but the person next to me laughs at theirs, too. I take a moment to register the lack of judgment. I consciously collect this proof: Being a beginner did not result in rejection.